Category: Relationships & Dating

Is it Time to Clean Up?

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Instead of focusing on how you look. Focus on how you feel. I recently revamped my exercise and fitness regimen after asking myself that question. I felt lethargic, and aggravated.The energy in my body felt stagnant. The first quarter of the year had been swallowed up as I committed to meeting deadlines for projects that riddled me sedentary. In my sedentary state, my nutritional choices were poor—reaching for whatever was convenient, and tasty. Being up late night and consuming high carbohydrate meals and snacks packed on the weight in no time.

 

Because I enjoy body-breathing workouts, and healthy eating my body felt the effects of processed foods, and lack of movement rather quickly. So I decided to clean up my diet and intensify my workouts, and in no time I begin to feel like myself again—energetic—flexible—optimistic in tone. The truth is, the things that we put into our bodies affect our attitude and our health. What we put into our bodies also creates a certain energetic vibration. If we eat “junky” we begin to feel “junky”. When we eat good we begin to feel good. This desire to want to feel good is what prompted me to get back on track. The natural process is—what is in, comes out. This is true of both our thoughts and our food. So today I honor my body. I treat it respectfully by giving it the nourishment it requires. Blessed Be.

Because we are all beautiful, instead of focusing on how we look we should check in with our bodies to see how we feel.

Talk About Sex & Talk During Sex

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“Some of the hardest things to say, are easier said on paper.” ~ Nadirah A. Shakir~

Recently I received a phone call from a woman who wanted to share “more” of herself during sex. When I asked her to explain what she meant, she responded by saying that she just wanted to let go and enjoy her sexual experience. She also told me that she wished she could talk more, but for some reason or another it was hard for her to talk during sex. She told me that her lover had no problem expressing himself. In fact he was very communicative during sex; and while she often wished that she could respond to him, she simply could not speak. She remained quiet during the entire experience while adhering to all of her lovers request for pleasure.

After sex was over she noticed that she felt happy that her lover had found and experienced such pleasure in her body and in their intimate relationship; but she also felt resentment and frustration because she often sacrificed her own pleasure in effort to please her beloved.

When I told my client that it was very common for women to play the submissive role during sex and allow their male partners to dominate and control the flow of the bedroom she wasn’t surprised, however she was still frustrated about not speaking up regarding her needs and desires during sex.

I asked my client to consider the following, and I also invite you to consider the following if you are a person experiencing miniscule communication during sex.

1. Do you like your partner? I don’t know how people do it, but there are some people who go to bed with people that they do not like. They may be physically attracted to the person, but as it relates to the core of the individual they do not like the person. This will automatically set up a communication barrier. If you are going to sleep with a person you should at least like the individual.

2. Are you in love with your partner? Love automatically opens the way for communication. When you are in love with a person it makes it easier for you to communicate what you need because you trust that your partner will not only hear you, but that they will do their best to consider your needs.

3. Are you married to your partner? For most people the idea of marriage makes a sexual experience holy, and honorable to God. When people believe that they are engaging in an activity that is honorable to God it helps them relax their mind. When the mind is relaxed the words that need to be uttered are more easily expressed.

4. What type of negative memories or emotional traumas have you experienced with in your relationship with your partner? If you are in a long term relationship with your partner chances are the two of you have experienced a lot together. Some things may be good, and some things may be not so good. If there has been past hurts, mistrust, infidelity, or abuse you may need to seek the professional help from a marriage counselor or a psychologist to help put those things behind you, if your intention is moving forward. If those things have not been resolved then communication will be hard no matter what you do.

5. How do you really feel about sex? In order to communicate about sex you have to know AND own how you feel about sex. Many people engage in sexual activity while having mix feelings about it. For example, religious people who believe that sex should be for married people are having sexual relations while they are not married. Married people who don’t even want to be married have gotten married just so that they can have “blessed/holy” sex. You have to come to terms with who you are, and your true beliefs about sex.

6. Do you and your partner share the same views about sex? It happens all the time. One person is having sex because they are either in love with someone or they want that person to love them. The other person is having sex just for pleasure and recreation. Be clear about your position first and then check with your partner about his/her position. This is a conversation that should happen before anyone takes their clothes off! My advice is that if you are not only the same page, keep your clothes on!!

The following are things/exercises that you can do to open up communication between you and your partner.

1. Write a note expressing what you would like during sex. I believe in putting things on paper. Some of the hardest things to say are easier said when put on paper.

2. Send a text message to your partner before and after sex. If you find it difficult for you to communicate verbally, try texting aka “sextexting”. It’s the same as writing. If you text your needs and desires before sex then your partner will have an idea of what you want. If you still find it difficult to talk during sex then follow up your sexual encounter with another text expressing what you liked and what you want more or less of.

3. Get into the practice of just saying something!  If you are not big on words start off by saying simple things in response to your partners actions during sex. A simple oh, or ah, can let your partner know if he or she is moving in the right direction. You can even say a simple thank you if your partner does something that you find pleasurable.

4. Try phone sex. Sometimes it’s easier to start the communication on the phone as opposed to face to face. Action speak louder than words, but words often precede action. Try calling your partner just before you reach home for some steamy loving conversation. It’s kinda like warming up before the big speech! If you warm up backstage then it will easier to give the big speech in front of your audience.

As always remember that sex is one of the most powerful ways that we connect and communicate as human/spiritual beings. One sexual encounter can have many sequences of events that follow energetically and physically. Respect yourself and respect your health while engaging in all sexual activity. Sex is many things for many people; but remember it can always be more pleasurable. Be sure to speak up!

Wishing you love and pleasurable and authentic communication. Nadirah A. Shakir

 

Release it With Love

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“Release it/them with love and allow YOURSELF to be pulled forward and lifted higher”~ Nadirah A. Shakir ~

 

The new year is approaching rather quickly. As we ready ourselves for it’s arrival one of the most important questions that we should ask ourselves is, what do we want to release. For some of us, that what might change into who. That’s fine. The who and the what often carry the same energetic vibration, making it easier to distinguish what consciously needs to be released. For example: If you feel that you want to release your ex, what you are really wanting to release is the mistrust, and lack of communication. If you say that I want to release procrastination, don’t be surprised if people who are not supportive in your moving forward eventually depart. Every time we decide to release something we create room to receive something different.

Take a really good look at this past year 2013. Ask yourself what worked and what did not work. Look at your circle of friends, family members, employees, and business associates. Ask yourself, who do I feel confident about taking into next year with me. Be honest. Ask yourself why would you like these people to move forward with you. Ask your self why would you like to release them. Write down your insights. Take a really good look at your projects, goals, and plans. Ask yourself what would you like to build on in 2014. Ask yourself what would you like to leave in 2013. Write it down, and be completely honest. IF, there is uncertainty regarding who and what to leave behind and move forward with, don’t worry yourself. Just relax about it, and set the intention to release any and everything with love that no longer supports you in being your best self. Ask the Universe to help you make the distinction. Eventually all that is for you will reveal itself, and all that is not for you will reveal itself as well. Don’t be afraid to let go and embrace new opportunities, and relationships. This releasing, and embracing is what progression is about.

2013 was a very powerful year—a year of purification, and clarification for many. Let us take this pure energy and clarity into 2014 and blaze trails! Subconsciously we may be tempted to remain stuck, but making a conscious decision to release that which no longer serves us with love will assist us in moving forward.

I am wishing you a glorious, prosperous, love-filled 2014 and infinity! Release it with love, and allow yourself to be pulled forward—higher! Nadirah A. Shakir

Spiritual Dating for The Truth Seeking Single

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You know Spirit will offer us many ways to learn life lessons. Spirit may be trying to teach you a life lesson through food. It could be your body or your health. Maybe it’s your finances or your life purpose. For many of us Spirits seeks to teach us through our romantic relationships. Our romantic relationships affect us the most, because they are often heart-centered. So when something goes array within our romantic relationships it takes us right back to center—our core—our heart space. Their is a wealth of information with in our heart space, and we can tap into that wealth of knowledge when we decide to become still, surrender, and listen. The energy with in our hearts is a culmination of our thoughts, beliefs, emotions and experiences. This energy creates a vibrational frequency that circulates within us and transcends out side of us, connecting us and attracting to us other souls who either have similar vibrational frequencies or the spiritual energy/blue print that our soul requires for self exploration, and healing in this incarnation.

As a truth seeking single, I often take this philosophy into my dating life. Often times we cannot see ourselves objectively, and even when we can see ourselves we tend to ignore the less perfect aspects of ourselves and focus on the flaws and shortcomings of the people we are dating. By taking the Spiritual Dating philosophy on every date with you, you empower yourself because you are becoming aware of things that you might want to heal. Spiritual Dating for the truth Seeking Single in it’s simplicity reminds us that we are what we attract, and we attract to us the relationship we require at the time for further self exploration and healing.

Here’s an example of what Spiritual Dating for The Truth Seeking Single means, and how it can be applied for self empowerment and healing: Woman is asked out by man. Woman says yes because there is something about the man that she is very attracted to. Woman finds out that the man is a military officer. Woman is surprised by her attraction to an armed officer because she is a “peace advocate”. Man and woman date, and fall deeply in love. Woman is in conflict with her spiritual beliefs against war, and her love for her soldier. What should she do? If the Spiritual Dating philosophy is implemented in this scenario the woman can do a couple of things. The first thing she can do is a. continue to love her solider and remember that love heals all wounds, and is non-judgmental, b. tell the solider that war is against her spiritual beliefs and leave the relationship all together, or c. embrace and explore her own inner warrior or issues she may have regarding anger, rage, and forgiveness.

Spiritual Dating takes the superficiality out of dating and places the focus on inner work and self exploration which will ultimately lead to growth and understanding of self, which will ultimately make you a better partner if you so choose. So the next time someone ask you out on a date, shrug your shoulders and say yes if your are not busy. Allow yourself to show up exactly as you are, and realize that the person that you are dating is the person that you attracted so that you can heal, and grow, and learn more about yourself. Make Saturday nights count and date like a truth seeking single! Don’t forget to be present!

http://bookstore.iuniverse.com/Products/SKU-000141255/Before-You-Work-Out-Exercise.aspx

9 Questions For Singles Who Are Ready For Marraige

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Everything happens in Divine Time and in Divine Order—everything. That includes the time that you will meet your divine partner. Understanding the power of divinity will help you release the anxiety regarding meeting that special someone to share your future with. If we can relax our expectations and our anxiousness about entering into a sacred union, then we will be able to embrace where we are now, and experience the unity that is life.

It really breaks my heart when people come in to speak to me about their life goal to meet that special someone, and yet they are not treating themselves like someone special. Depressed, anxious, and self-loathing, they cry because no one has chosen them as the one; and they wonder if they will ever be chosen. They have done vision boards, meditations, prayers, on line dating, singles retreats, and the list goes on FOREVER. What has not been done is self work!

What I’m going to say may sting, but I’m going to say it anyway. If you are single right now, then you are supposed to be. So relax, and get down to business with numero uno—YOU!

Okay so you want to get married, yeah? Well let’s ask ourselves a couple of questions. The following are questions which will help you explore the truth about your readiness for a sacred union.

9 Exploratory Questions for the Ambitious Single Who’s Ready For Marriage.

1. If you met yourself today as is would you marry you? This question requires real honesty. Look at every aspect of your life financial, spiritual, health, attitude etc., and then ask yourself that question again. Many times the idea of marriage is something we fantasize about when we want to escape our current reality. News Flash: You can’t run from yourself; but you can run into yourself!
2. What are you bringing to the union? Let’s get real. Are you coming to give or are you coming to take? It really doesn’t matter which one you think you’re coming to do—give or take, because as soon as you enter into any relationship you will consciously and unconsciously give and take. Again, what are you bringing? This goes back to the honesty of question 1. With what you have to give now…RIGHT NOW, would you want it? If not—about-face, and get busy fixing you up!
3. Are you comfortable financially? Our society is full of people trying to “come up” financially by way of relationship, and that may work for a while; but if the consciousness is not there to sustain the financial “come up”, the relationship as well as the bank account will go bankrupt. Research shows that the majority of relationships fail as a result of financial distress. While you are single, get your money right!
4. Is there anything that you can do to get yourself in a healthier state? Yes, the vows say for better or for worse; but if there is anything that we can do to make ourselves better for our future union shouldn’t we be doing that? Don’t you want to live in perfect health and harmony with your Mr. or Mrs. Right FORVER!!!???
5. Is there anyone that you feel like you need to forgive? Unconsciously, we take our baggage from past hurts into our new beginnings believing that we are beginning again, when in essence what we are really doing is creating situations to heal past hurts. We are marrying our mothers. We are marrying our fathers. We are even remarrying our ex-husbands and ex-wives. The soul wants to forgive. So if you are single, and feel that there are people you need to forgive do so, so that you can really marry someone new, and have a new experience.
6. Are you comfortable with you sexual identity? That’s right I said it! If you are gay, do not lie to yourself and your partner and say that you are straight. Think about the heart ache down the line. It’s not fair. If you are bisexual, tell your man or woman straight up that every once in a while you might want to employ a third party or you might want to stay out all night. Communication—Honesty–Trust—Marriage—remember!?
7. Why do you want to get married in the first place? Do you even believe in the sanctity of marriage or are you under some type of societal peer pressure. Be clear about your beliefs regarding monogamy, polygamy, and the idea of commitment.
8. Have you clarified your spiritual beliefs/chosen faith/religion? Sharing the same faith is important for many people because when challenges present themselves in our sacred unions we often resort back to our spiritual foundation to help us become grounded and re-tie that sacred knot back together more tightly.
9. Are you willing to compromise—give and take and give some more? A sacred union is about give and take period. You give your time, money, spirit, love, life…everything. So just be ready for that, and make sure that the person you choose is ready for that also.

If you want to get married, then more than likely you will. In the meantime take inventory of where you are now, and work on you so when you run into you (your husband or wife) in the future you really feel ready…and worthy!(-:

I wish you love, love, and more love! Nadirah A. Shakir

Love & Detachment

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Love & Detachment

” I fall in love easily. It’s because I’m always there.”

To be in real love requires a state of detachment, a kind of openness which will ultimately lead to the understanding of oneness and our connection to the Divine. This is what is meant by unconditional love.

Many saints have come to the realization that God is Love, and they act and serve from this consciousness. They are able to be detached from their actions/giving and just serve, however and whomever The Divine has led them to.

What if we all understood that love is not meant to be griped and contained. Love is Spirit. It’s as close to you as breath; but it forces you to do nothing. It flows endlessly and effortlessly to all. Those of us who intentionally open ourselves up to love benefit from it’s magic in the most amazing ways. Those of us who are closed to it, are probably the ones who believe in love with conditions; but have no fear unconditional love will make it’s way to you also.

Unconditional Love and detachment fosters growth and trust. Anything that is smothered will eventually loose breath and die. When we approach love in a manner of detachment we allow Spirit to enter in and work in ways that we ourselves cannot.

Some of the best relationships between husband and wife, parent and child are built upon the foundation of detachment. Detachment does not mean that the people in relationships do not care for each other. It means that they trust one another and respect each other enough to allow each other to grow. Relationships that foster a healthy understanding of detachment are more likely to last, because the individuals involve understand that we all belong to God, and it is that “God-Head”—Divine Mind that keeps us connected.

What attaches us to someONE is where we are in consciousness, and where we believe we will always want to be. What keeps us there is often how we feel about our personal growth while relating to the individual.

Those of us who see and experience God in everything–people–nature—music–food—traffic—whatever, are the ones who fall freely into the rapture of love—the arms of God; and this is our only attachment.

Wishing you freedom and personal growth while relating to whomever, Nadirah A. Shakir

For more on love, detachment, oneness, self love, and relationships visit any of the following links! Blessings!

My memoir Love pg 167 http://bookstore.iuniverse.com/Products/SKU-000141255/Before-You-Work-Out-Exercise.aspx, https://nadibody.wordpress.com/2013/11/24/embracing-the-relationships-around-you/

Embracing the Relationships Around You

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So many single people are obsessed with being in a relationship. It’s as if they don’t meet Mr. or Mrs. Right their entire existence is irrelevant. They can’t eat. They can’t sleep. They can’t even go out to a social event without looking for their soul mate. I understand the basic human need for companionship and relationship. The desire to connect and share our hearts and lives with another soul is an innate trait that most human beings have. What’s unhealthy though is the yearning—the obsession to have someone–anyone, which drives people to make deplorable relationship choices. Also, entering into relationship because of a need—financial or other, will only lead to disaster. No one can learn our lessons for us or do the work for us. We have to do it ourselves.

One of the most loving things single people (all people for that matter) can do for themselves is to obtain a deeper understanding AND acceptance of themselves. You’ll be surprised at how many single people who are desperate to get into a relationship, haven’t the foggiest idea what makes them happy. Furthermore the desperation to be in a relationship leads them to compromise their very own happiness. The relationship will not last and if it does the energy will be toxic. Also, trying to hide behind personas and adhere to roles for the sake of obtaining a relationship will choke at ones life force as well.

One of the things that I do as a happily single individual is embrace the relationships around me. If you are single (or not) and desiring a sacred union you should too. Here’s why. The Universe is always sending someone to share in love with you. It may not be the type of relationship that you are looking for but the energy for giving and receiving is always there. Furthermore allowing yourself to be open to those around you will help you better prepare for “THEE” relationship you are wanting. When you see every relationship as a relationship that can assist you in becoming the type of person you would like to “be with” some day then you are on your way to sharing life with that special someone. In the meantime, just chill, love, and get to know you. Do some of the things that you dreamed of doing, and more importantly pay attention to the people around you. Someone is always trying to love you. Just look.

For further insights on self love, relationship, and inner confidence read pages 27-30, and 141-142 in my memoir Before You Work Out, Exercise http://bookstore.iuniverse.com/Products/SKU-000141255/Before-You-Work-Out-Exercise.aspx.

Wishing you unconditional love and fearless self acceptance, Nadirah A. Shakir